Honest Night's Work

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Whilst walking about the city and feeling sorry for myself about Significant Other (and other nonsense in my life), I quite literally ran into someone.

I looked up, and it was like helloooooo, electric blue eyes!

Long story short, I have a date. Also, my life is an amusing but poorly written romantic comedy.

I just finished reading Chris Hedges’ Empire of Illusion, including the section which discusses the porn industry. As I have mentioned before, porn in general is not a straight-up film of a sex act. It’s composed, posed, reshot, strategically lighted, and broken up by water breaks, closeups, etc.

Hedges’ focus was actually on the misogyny and abuse of porn actresses, to the point of graphic detail. While I do not consider myself to be a porn actress (while I act in porn, it’s not where I make most of my money or spend the bulk of my time), I found his account fairly narrow, and not at all representative of my experiences. Happily, the lovely Mika Tan voiced some of my thoughts (although not in response to Empire).

What bothered me about Hedges’ essay was the emphasis on how women are automatically degraded by appearing in porn, which has not been my experience in the least. Granted, I (like Mika in some instances) appear in a particular subgenre of porn, where I am the dominant partner. However, I can guarantee that my partners are totally cool with whatever I dish out on camera, as we walk through the script well beforehand.  I certainly believe that actresses (and actors) can end up in unpleasant work situations. The world is full of godawful bosses, even in the least sexy of offices, who degrade, harass, shortchange and hurt their employees (if all of y’all saw the former Israeli Prime Minister being the latest highly publicized example).

There was a lot of ground Hedges could have covered about unrealistic expectations of porn viewers (especially teens who grew up on the stuff), about productions, or about standards of beauty. Instead, he was disturbingly obsessed with the increased number of extreme sex acts forced on actresses.

1. The Awkward First-Timer: Distinguishable by the hesitancy, vague questions and lack of dirty words. Sometimes includes a note that this is the First Timer’s first experience with BDSM/escorts/vaginas

Example: So I don’t really know how this works, but I’ve always wanted to try BDSM. If you don’t mind my asking, what are watersports?

2. The Repeat Customer: Features include specificity, knowledge of the business, and occasional comparisons to past escort experiences.

Example: I would like a two-hour appointment for medical-themed S&M roleplay. My previous experience was enjoyable, but the woman seemed uncomfortable.

3. The Incoherent Texter: Text-speak is this person’s first— and only— language. Enough said.

Example: hi r u aval 4 mtng 2nite u look sxy in ur pix im a st8 mangf dont no im doing this.

4. Captain Clueless: Someone whose questions or requests indicate they did not read my site.

Example: So I’m looking for a submissive women to rape roleplay with me in my hotel in Timbuktu. Also, what are your rates?

5. The Un-Decider: Like their namesake, this person doesn’t have a clue what they’re after. Unfortunately for me, unlike their namesake, they don’t make a decision and plunge ahead.

Example: I think I’d like to try some D/s play. Or maybe vanilla sex, I’m not sure. But could you bring some toys in case?

6. The Cheeky Moocher: Having presumably scarfed down a bunch of free samples from Costco for lunch, this person then cruises onto my site to ask for free sex.

Example: This guy. This guy too, though a little less overtly.

7. The Aspiring Pornographer: This person thinks that the possession of a digital camera makes them qualified for a career in erotic photography, starting with taking naked photos of me.

Example: Hi, I’m not a professional photographer, but I’d love to take some photos of you. Can I exchange those for half an hour of your services?

This happened a while ago, but I was reminded of the incident earlier today.

Guy: So you’re half Indian*

Me: Yeah

Guy: I’ve never been with one of you. Does Indian pussy look like normal pussy?

Gee, can’t think why no Native ladies haven’t swoon at that pickup line before…Actually, I don’t think any self-respecting person with a pussy would have done anything other than what I did, which was to pour his drink into my glass, consume it, and hail a cab pronto.

*Actually, I don’t inherently object to the term, although my personal preference would be to be referred to by tribe. However, I live in Glasgow, where I am surrounded by East Indians, and no other Native American folks, and that just gets confusing.

Significant Other has suddenly decided to ignore me for fairly inexplicable reasons, in spite of being alive, etc. I think I’m being dumped. Yikes.

My feelings would be less hurt if I just got a message (assuming Significant Other doesn’t want to have the talk in person) saying ‘hey, I’m just not feeling it anymore’, or even ‘I’m going to chase after my smoking hot coworker’. But what bothers me is 1) the suddenness— there was no argument, not even a glimmering that things weren’t going great, and 2) the lack of communication— if you’re someone’s friend and lover, you at least should let them know for sure you’re bailing. An explanation would be nice as well,  but people have a right to be obtuse. And hey, personal business.

However, I want to know if I’ve been dumped, so I can 1) move on (several people have offered to help with this process, and it seems rude to lead them on if I’m in the process of working things out with Significant Other… also, I would like to avoid a “we were on a break” scene a la Friends, 2) plan my work obligations accordingly, 3) retrieve my stuff, 4) schedule in some pouting/watching bad TV time before doing #1.

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I realized this morning that my overall quality of life benefits from my job. And I’m not talking about money.

1. Exercise: Yes, I enjoy working out, but needing to keep in shape for my clients is an added incentive when I’m busy, lazy, or am just plain not in the mood. I can also justify taking time out of my day to go jogging or to the gym, because hey, it’s for work.

2. Organization: I finally, finally started using a diary to keep track of clients, and next thing I knew it was invaluable. It’s kept me on top of journal submission deadlines, extra lectures, you name it. And planning my meals ahead and freezing them makes things less harried during the week as well.

3. Veggies: My clients are not paying for my witty conversation or my aura. Looks are a big part of what I do. It’s obvious if someone’s nutrition is off— dull skin, cracked nails, etc.— so I have an added incentive to get my fruits and veggies (I’m no snob— frozen spinach from Tesco is just fine) when microwavable fish and chips looks really appealing.

4. A ‘Polite Spine’: I used to be awful at saying “no”. I would get sucked into being a counselor and the like all the time. Now I have gotten some good practice at refusing requests politely but firmly.

5. Romance: there is a myth that people in the adult entertainment industry come home worn out and not wanting sex. While I’m sure that’s true for some people, it gets me revved up. Also, porn shoots or time with a client has me craving romance and intimacy, so I think my partner and I have a more emotionally fulfilling experience.

I actually don’t get super turned on when I’m writing up my scripts*. Usually, the original idea hits me, and I think it’s hot— for example, I want to do a D/s type medical scene with a woman. But then comes the actual writing out of the script, and the logistics: what props do I have, will I need another person, what sex acts do I want to do in this video, what is the other person willing to do, etc.

So right now I’m at the point of planning my next set of videos where I feel very detached and un-sexy about it. And the actual shooting can be fairly asexual feeling as well. But don’t worry— the squee factor comes back when I see the rough cuts of the video.

*I do videos for other people, but I also write/produce my own.

xoxovanda:

I also get this about my best female friend, who is a lesbian. No, we have never dated, or even hooked up. Frankly, we’re not each others’ type.

(Source: teenbookworm)